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All reviews - Movies (3)

Da Sweet Blood of Jesus review

Posted : 3 years, 5 months ago on 8 February 2015 07:36 (A review of Da Sweet Blood of Jesus)

I'm not a big Spike Lee fan, but he does intrigue me. I first heard about this through the kickstarter campaign he had a while back. It looked very interesting and having recently saw a trailer and then today seeing the movie online I can only say that I'm happy to have not contributed in either the campaign or paying to see this movie on the net.

This film is basically a remake to a 70s black exploitation horror flick called "Ganja & Hess". It was written and directed by Bill Gunn who made only a few films, guest starred on a few shows and churned out several stage plays and screenplays. He died in 1989 the day before one of his plays were about to open. He was 54 years old. From what I could gather, "Ganja & Hess" would be the one film he wrote and directed that has become not only a cult classic, but a classic in American cinema. Especially black cinema since "Ganja & Hess" was meant to also be marketed as another "Blacula". Except Mr. Gunn went out and made something a lot different from many other vampire movies out there. He made one with complexity and thought provoking symbolism.

In case you're wondering what Spike Lee's or Bill Gunn's version of both films are about, it mainly deals with a vampire of a much different sort. The vampire of addiction. You see there was this doctor's assistant who got all loopy and decided to stab a doctor named Hess Green causing the doctor to become cursed with a thirst for blood. The assistant dies and Dr. Green falls for his assistant's widow, but passing on the curse onto her causes friction later on. Meanwhile, Dr. Green's bloodlust gets the better of him and he seeks out Christian spiritualism to wipe away the sins that he's committed. Ganja on the other hand decides to keep her in new found immortality.

"Ganja & Hess" was more surreal driven and metaphorical about black culture. It revolved around addiction and how the spirit of going to church on Sunday's to wipe away your sins may not always free you from your sins. It's a powerful and beautiful film that many should check out.

Now, Spike Lee's version, well, I don't know. I would say stay away from this version. Spike Lee's interpretation was visually sumptuous given the amount of time and money he had in making it, but it didn't deliver well in it's message. Not like the way the original film did. This version felt shallow and clean cut. Like watching a music video at times. It was a bit disappointing.

I would recommend seeing the original version which may be a tad difficult to track down, but well worth it.

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Mortdecai review

Posted : 3 years, 5 months ago on 6 February 2015 06:35 (A review of Mortdecai)

This movie is an insult to moustaches everywhere. Comparing them to pubic hair on a vagina as a rich source for humor is low brow. It's one of the many desperate attempts at molesting your funny bone in this crap caper comedy.

We're introduced to Charles Mortdecai, a snob Euro moustache art dealer. He becomes a detective of sorts when a secret agent named Alistair hires him to help find a stolen painting. The painting is special in that it has a bank account number scribbled on it that will open a safe filled with Nazi gold.

The movie chronicles Mortdecai in search for the painting. Meeting several "interesting" characters with his loyal man servant, Jock Strap. There's a subplot involving the secret agent Alistair who is love with Mortdecai's wife and several globe-trotting quests to fill in the time constraints of the plot. The humor is the type you'd find if you're trying to find humor. Sexual innuendo's while smutty especially when it involves Jock Strap's sex life tickle the pervy bone at times, but this forced and aggressively unfunny movie looked more fun to make then it is to sit and watch.

I say skip it unless you're a die hard Johnny Depp fan. As much as I like Johnny, he was intolerable to enjoy in this one. Another flop unfortunately.

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The Boy Next Door review

Posted : 3 years, 5 months ago on 6 February 2015 04:47 (A review of The Boy Next Door)

"He seems like a nice boy."

A garage door malfunction gives way to introductions to meet The Boy Next Door. Claire is living with her son Kevin after separating from her husband for 9 months. Her husband was caught cheating on her with his secretary. So far she hasn't reached that jumping off point of signing divorce papers. Because her husband, Garrett, wants to reconcile and he's doing his best.

Meanwhile, a boy named Noah shows up who just so happens to be living next door. He is almost 20 and is taking care of his uncle Bob who is waiting for a bone marrow transplant. His parents tragically died in separate mishaps. One which was no accident and the other being a reason as to why he's motivationally driven into trying to get nookie from Claire. In a strange way, it's almost oedipal. Even when there is mentions of Greek mythology being tossed around in a very nonchalant fashion.

Noah aligns himself by befriending the son first before engaging in some whoopie with Claire. At her most vulnerable, Claire gives in. A simple mistake at the time of a separation in progress. However, Noah enjoyed it. So much so that his fixation on Claire becomes a lustful obsession. One in which that turns into both stalking and violence. So why not just call the police? Well, there's a drawback to that. Especially after Noah returns to getting his high school education after a long delay when his parents died. You see Claire is an English teacher and if it got out that she was messing around with one of her students it might make her look bad. Or worse: Jail. Usually it's jail for those kinds of things.

As the tension mounts, Claire tries to juggle her options in keeping this psychopath at bay until those options become impossible which then leads to a violent climatic struggle where one of them is dead. Take a wild guess who dies in the end.

Some have ripped this movie apart as being a predictable lifetime movie thriller, but I think that is a bit of a cheap shot for an otherwise cheap & trashy erotic thriller. If anything this movie may remind some of those erotic thrillers from the 90s. At least that's what I felt while watching it. It may not be a Basic Instinct or Fatal Attraction, but it does fit in the genre and was actually entertaining to a fault. Even during some of it's dumb moments.

See it if you're bored and you won't be entirely disappointed. Don't see it if your expectations are too high. You'll hate it.

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